Sunday Question Revamped: Dealing With Negative Hair Comments ON A DATE!

My first Sunday Question! Yay!! lol

While reading through the blog, I had came across one of Curly Film Chick's loved Sunday Questions about dealing with negative hair comments and it really triggered a few thoughts of my own, especially being I recently went through a situation I thought I should post about...

A few weeks ago, I met a new guy (uhg... single life) and decided he seemed nice enough to allow him to take me on a date. He was a black guy, of Carribean descent, so I was very taken aback when he decided to make a "joke" about my hair. He was wearing one of these hats:

And proceeded to tell me not only that my hair looked like his hat, but that I needed to give Oprah her hair back.

 -__-

Last I checked, I actually wouldn't mind having some hair like Oprah's, in any state... we all know Oprah has that good hair. lol

I'm new to the dating world, but I know thats definitely not okay, joke or not. I responded with my greatest amount of sarcasm "Oh, I'm sorry I'm black" and proceeded to do my best not to choke him out.

He was surprised that I didn't find it funny (dumb@$$) but I just didn't get where any one in their right mind would think that's okay...

 I mean I met him on the day I had this hairstyle (not the style that was judged) but I guess he didn't notice then that I had natural hair... and that I was black ... so I don't know what he was expecting. 

It doesn't even surprise me that it would be coming from a black man either...

What do you think ladies? Have you ever experienced such adversity on a date? Even when dating "your own kind"? 

Help!

Natural Year 2: Blow out, Flat Iron, Length Check & Reflections

 I broke the videos down into 3 parts so it wouldn't be one super long video, but I guess I'll let the videos (or me) do all the talking for themselves :) ... but wait? Why is Debbie in the background tryna steal my shine? lol
 #pleaseexcusemycreepyoldcosmetologyschoolmannequinhead

LDFH: Working on My Edges

When I first started my healthy hair journey it was back at the end of 2009. I decided I was going to stop getting a relaxer and wear weaves for a year to grow my hair out. 

After fully assessing my hair, I realized I probably shouldn't wear weaves for a year, because I didn't want my already fine, nearly bald edges getting any thinner.

Years of African braiding, and one horrible weave I had done at a salon are what had caused my severely thinning edges. The horrible weave in particular managed to take out a good amount of hair follicles all in one sitting. With my hair already being super fine and fragile, It was easy for my edges to have thinned out with all of the tension that was being caused from these hair styles.

My hair was never long, so I never wore my hair in tight ponytails that would have been pulling my hair, and my mother used to loosely box braid and/or twist my hair as a child, and I never complained of hairstyles being too tight, so I knew it had nothing to do with my own styling, not to mention I would see the difference in my edges after taking down braids from African Hair Braiding. It had gotten to the point that I would only let them braid the back of my hair, and I would braid the front myself because I didn't want them tugging on my edges, using what seemed like one fragile strand per micro braid.

In the photos on the left side, the first 1/2" of my hairline is parted out. In the photos on the right, I parted out 1 inch from my hairline. I did this so you all can see the difference in the density.

Curl Preference - Poll Results

It looks like our Sunday Question about Curl Preference has some interesting results:

64% prefer to have defined curls
5% prefer undefined curls
29% will wear defined or undefined curls depending on their mood

No one has shared their reasoning for their curl preference and we're really curious about it, especially the 29% of you that voted who will wear either or. What occasions call for defined curls or undefined ones? Is it a simple difference on whether you're heading to work/class or going out with friends? Let us know in the comment section below! 

Reflections: Length Obsessing

Just passing my 2nd year anniversary on this journey has had me doing so much thinking... One of the biggest thoughts being: Why have I been obsessing so much over long natural  hair?

As I have been trying to get out all of my last few TWA posts and now that I'm in the In-Be-Twa stage, it really put this length obsessing into perspective.

 When I was relaxed I hated my hair! It was always thin and stringy, though it helped me blend in with the rest of society for as long as I wanted until I decided to go natural (texturized really) in high school.

Once high school was over, I was over my stagnant hair.

I never remember having any hair that went significantly passed my shoulder, so with having "hair that doesn't grow", I opted for a short cropped cut, and loved it!

 I thought I could keep my hair texturized with this process, but that was too much work for me to keep it straight, so I finally gave in and relaxed it. I loved wearing my cropped cuts for a while, but after a catastrophe, even if I decided to relax my hair again later, I knew that going natural was the way.

All of my natural hair inspiration were long haired girls. I mean, I saw pics of beautiful TWA's, beautiful TWA cuts and hairstyles, but even though I went natural and chopped all my hair off, what I really wanted was natural long hair.

I liked my 2 inch TWA, easy and beautiful, but I won't lie, I've hardly enjoyed the in between time, and I still haven't gotten to a point where I truly love my hair and everything its doing. Don't get me wrong, I've already fallen madly in love with the textures of my hair, but I never wanted or even considered short natural hair, I want to see my curls in inches upon inches! I'm also dying to see my curl pattern as my hair gets a little longer and heavier! lol

So why am I obsessing over length? Because I want what I want! lol I wore my cropped cuts for nearly 4 years, and had nearly shoulder length or only a little past shoulder length (when i was much younger) hair my whole life before that, so I'd say I have every right to be extremely over having short hair...

That being said, I'm calming down on the length obsessing, because unfortunately i don't have play-doh hair that i can just press my scalp down and grow it as long as I want instantly, lol.

I also realize that I am a slow grower, yielding about a 1/4 to 1/3 of an inch a month, so I will not be reaching my goals as fast as the average growers, but instead I may be 6 months to a year behind.

I've also realized how extremely fine and fragile my hair is, and I think I can finally say that I'm ready to let go of color! I will be keeping my little party patch in the front, and i would be lying if I said I might not try some highlights or a little Ombre in the future, but I can say that i will NEVER do a full head of color on my hair again. I realized that my hair is silky and is a lot stronger without the color, which also means more natural slip, less ssk's and split ends for me... more length retention.. woop woop!

Look at how naturally happy, healthy, and silky my virgin hair is! I can't wait!

Funny because at the start of my natural journey, I had did a second big chop to get rid of color damaged hair and go back to virgin hair, and my hair wasn't even as damaged as it is now. One thing's for sure, I won't be making any hasty decisions and chopping my hair off again! lol

So, I'm calming down on the length obsessing and turning up the protective styling and patience, because I have at least 3 or 4 years before I reach my length goals. With my tightly curled hair, I want to grow my hair  until it's shoulder length to arm pit length in a wash and go without any stretching. You know what that means, look forward to at least another 3 to 4 years of growing and styling with me!!! Woo Hoo!!!

What reflections have your hair milestones bought upon you?

Relaxers Vs. Naturals

Its funny how much people expect from natural hair but nothing from relaxed hair.
Relaxed. Supposed to relax your life or something and everything's all good?

So I spent the 4th of july weekend with 4 of my girlfriends at the beach and pool. Out of the 5 of us, I am the only natural and one of my friends is transitioning. My friends commented saying, out of everyone who went to the beach, I was the only one who looked fine cuz my hair was still perfect after much swimming in both the sea water and the pool. All i did was put some conditioner in my hair and used my headband to pull it back into a pouf and voila! Perfect, easy beach hair! (i did the twists in the front in the car quickly on our way to the beach, as you can see, there was no parting involved.)

Later at home while doing everyone's hair after washing, I did them the favor of assessing their hair, telling them whether or not it was healthy, had split ends and so on and so forth. Of course, everyone seeing how easy and fast it was for me to do my hair as a natural had questions, and even remarks as to thinking of going natural themselves. 

We later spoke of another mutual friend who was natural and one of my girlfriends was basically asking me to do her hair for her. She thought our natural friend needed help with her hair in terms of styling and a trim. She mentioned the fact that her friend wears the same hairstyle like everyday. She also had many questions for me, mostly with styling natural hair and what the style options are. 

I was surprised to hear that they thought their friend needed to switch up her natural hairstyle, when most girls I know with a relaxer wear their hair the same exact way everyday too, unwrap and go. Because it's natural, it seems they expect more from our hair. I see that a lot of people don't want to go natural because they think they'd need to wear an afro everyday, or the common comment I always get, "My hair just wouldn't look good natural, it's not curly like yours," or "my hair is too nappy for that!"

Its unfortunate that so many people are stuck in this mind set of thinking negatively about their own hair or natural hair in general. The whole weekend they made the joke of referring to me as the african princess, especially after much tanning. I don't mind being called that, I'll take it as a compliment because I did just look like a beautiful black woman, if i must say so myself. If natural hair automatically means "African" then i guess i'll be that. 

So... Relaxed vs. Natural 

You decide.