Reader Question: Transitioner Learning how to Style

Sietta (Not Pictured Above) said...

I'm looking to transition from wearing sew-ins to wearing my own natural hair again, but I'm lost about how to go about styling it :( I haven't worn my own hair for more than a week in almost 5 years and I don't have a perm so as you could imagine it is very difficult to work with at this point and I am concerned about styles because of this. Also, my coils are SUPER tight and idk what to do with them at this point because my hair has never been this untrained so I know I have a job ahead of me lol. Do you have any suggestions for styles until I can get my coils to loosen a little?

Hi Sietta, 
Thanks for asking and we're glad to help =)
For starts, I would say it'll be a little hard without a few extra details (Hair length? What look you would like to achieve? What do you mean by trained hair and coil loosening?)but I will give you the best advice possible for anyone in your situation or anyone who needs help learning their new texture and how to care for it.

Part 1 - Moisturize, Detangle & Stretch!!!
As a professional hair stylist, time and time again I've seen women trying to go natural after wearing weaves for quite some time, but feeling discouraged about their "rough, dry, hard" manes. They think they have this horrible texture of hair because it is usually dry and malnourished, and because of this, their hair may also be a lot more shriveled and shrunked up.

Start with a spritzer bottle with water, get some of your favorite slippery conditioner, take your hair in one section at a time, moisturize, detangle from the ends up, and either braid, twist, bun or band the little section to keep the moisture in and your hair from shrinking up again (You can also do this in the shower if it's easier/faster for you). 

Part 2 - Washing
Don't be afraid, moisture and water are your best friends :)
After detangling and moisturizing it should be much easier to deal with your hair now, and if you have a lot of hair you may want to leave it in those sections during your wash. If/when I wash in sections, I will bring a few hair clips in the shower with me so as I wash one section at a time, I can twist and pin it back up so it stays stretched and detangled and I won't need to comb through my hair again....or at least bring a scrunchie to throw it all in a ponytail.

Part 3 - Styling
When it comes to styling natural hair, it's all about knowing the look you're going for, and understanding what your hair will and won't do. Henna and other natural products like coconut milk have been known to cause a little curl loosening, but usually on looser textures. The way we usually go about loosening our curls usually is by way of chemicals or heat damage, as a lot of hairstylists will call burning your curls out "heat training." Know that this is not an accurate method (not a method at all) ladies.

I love the curly look and my hair is curly but shrinks A LOT so I live in twist outs as it lets me have the look of my own curls, minus all the shrinkage. Doing twist-outs, braid-outs, banding, or any other kind of Set that will stretch the hair, should help with your feeling of wanting to loosen your curls. When I want a curlier, froey-er twist out I will do it on wet hair or re-twist an old twist out, and if I'd like my hair to be a little silkier, I'll first rollerset my hair and do my twist out on that. 

Here are some links to help you along your journey:
Tips For Naturals
Creating Textures
Creating a Regimen

I hope this helped, and please, don't ever feel like your options are limited, And Haircare above all else!!!

Sunday Question: Your Natural Hair at the Beach

This coming week is my birthday and I'm off to Virginia Beach! I can't wait to get out of NYC for a bit and spend some time with my sister, her boyfriend and my fiance, and we even like each other enough to be driving down there together - road trip/double date should be fun!

It's not just beach/vacation time for me, I know many naturals are headed off to great places like the Caribbean, and wonder what we should be doing with our hair. As a matter of fact, a friend of mine posted a hair emergency on Facebook because she's heading to the Bahamas and wants to know what she can do to manage her hair quick and easy. Some people suggested a weave but since I've never worn a one I could only tell her what I planned to do for my beach excursions: pack shampoo, conditioner and an oil and be on your way with braid outs, twist outs, bantu-knots and wash-and-gos! I'm not sure exactly which I'll be rocking down in Virginia, but I know those are my options (and trust I will still be wearing a sun hat and sunscreen!)

 But tell me, what's your natural hair going to look like for your time a la playa (at the beach)?

Have a Sunday question? Send us an email at yais.nyc@gmail.com!

How I Feel About You Touching My Natural Hair

There's no definitive answer as to whether or not hair touching is okay. It really matters to the individual; some naturals are all for it, others are against it. I will say I'm not a fan of strangers touching my hair and I don't care what your race is. I've had instances when both white and black men and women have decided it was okay to reach out and touch my strands without asking first. The first time it happened must've been when the concept of "going natural" was still really new; I was a junior in high school rocking my signature box braids and a woman with short natural hair stopped to ask me if all the hair was mine and if I was trying for sister locks - I guess because my braids were so tiny. As I was attempting to answer her she decided she'd reach out and touch my hair. It happened so fast that I didn't really get a chance to react, but I was mortified that a complete stranger thought it was okay to just touch a part of me without permission.

Box braids, Spring 2007

Fast forward to now and I don't allow strangers to touch my hair, I don't care how cool they think it is. I'm flattered when people stop me in the street or on the subway and chat me up about hair, but I will say no if they ask to touch it. HOWEVER, if I have some sort of connection I don't mind and depending on how close we are asking may not be necessary; my close friends touch my hair, will pull it from my face if it's windy or a strand has escaped the hold of a bobby-pin; my sisters touch my hair in both admiration and if they suddenly need to fix it, and my dad sometimes cocks his head to the side and asks "how I get my hair like that" while reaching for a lock of hair, and of course my fiance will stroke my hair absent-mindedly; he even helps me wash it sometimes. Since I view my hair as part of my body, being allowed to touch it is a matter of intimacy which strangers, or people who I don't know too well, aren't afforded.

But there have been a few times I felt it was okay. When I was working with kids last year, I let the little girl who was teased and shamed for her natural texture feel mine to make her feel better;  a few months back a co-worker was admiring a fluffy braid out - this might have been Valentine's Day. She's natural too, but always seems to struggled with her hair and I'm actually not close to her at all - we barely say hello to each other. Anyway, one day I saw her rocking a wash and go with her hair a little poofy and I could see it on her face that she wasn't comfortable even though I thought it was cute. I bumped into her in the kitchen and complimented her on her hair and she suddenly opened up to me about how unsure she had been of rocking her texture and how she always liked my hair (color me surprised that she even noticed me!). So the day I had my hair big and poofy she came up to me and chatted me about how I did it, what products and methods to use etc and asked me if she could touch it and I actually said yes. I was slightly uncomfortable with it, because of what I previously stated about hair touching being intimate, but I really wanted her to feel good about her hair. We're not buddies or anything now but I think I helped her in some way and that gave me some satisfaction.


So those are my views on hair touching! How do you guys feel about it? Do you let strangers touch your hair, why or why not? Let us know!

That Awkward Moment When Everyone Wants You To Straighten

Growing up, I remember everyone hounding me to straighten my hair. Even in the best twisted style, or colorful hair with box braids, no one seemed satisfied with my hair because they were dying to see it straight. I too wondered what my hair would look like and it was a welcomed change, until I started becoming dependent on it because I thought my hair was too crazy any other way.

Hair is hair and can be changed whenever and however you want. But why does it seem like people are so invested in naturally curly/textured hair being straight? I will never forget this girl I knew freshman year of high school who had beautiful curls; everyone complimented how nice and long her hair was but immediately suggested that she straightened her hair. When she did, they ooo'd and aaah'd over it and said she should wear it like that all the time. I notice when I started putting pictures up on Facebook of my hair straight, I'd get tons of comments of how I had "good hair" how long and pretty it was, how I look more "Indian" and folks wondering why I didn't do it more often. I notice a different grade of comments when I post pictures of my hair curly, the comments are either fewer, or I get comparisons to "insert-random-black-celebrity-I-look-nothing-like." I pretty much made it a thing not to post anymore straight hair pics because of this; now I post poofy fros and my hair fresh after washing. You all know that I have no issues with straight natural hair and I enjoy it every so often, but the comments are not about "oh look you changed your hair" but more of an admiration of what my hair is not. And that's what seems problematic to me.

SP and I were talking yesterday about how people who are mixed are expected to look a certain way, and I've blogged about this before. People act downright shocked to learn SP is Brazillian unless she dyes her hair a lighter color; folks want me to look more "Indian" (or do they mean Native-American? Which is what I actually am) and wear my hair straight. I find it both silly and frustrating that in this day and age, people think that the hair that grows naturally out of your head is "wrong." Again, I don't care if you have a relaxer, my preference is not to have one because I don't need it. Wanting and needing are two different things, and honestly no one needs a relaxer, even if we've been conditioned to think this way.

So, here's to big poofy hair, embracing the way I look and having the freedom to change it whenever the hell I want to!

Straight hair 2011

Night out sometime in 2011

Just washed, Summer 2011

Poofy hair, April 2012

Early 2012

There you have it folks! Basically, wear your hair the way you want and don't let anyone tell you that you need anything! That's all!

My Last Straightening Before Summer Concluded

Here is what my hair looks like straightened after being unwrapped, without having any real bump to it. These pictures may be kind of horrible, but they've been great with helping me track my progress.




As you can probably see, my left side is my faster growing side, and my right side is my fuller growing side, so my hair is a little asymmetrical but I'm okay with that for now. I've been growing out my layers a little before focusing on length, trimming more in the back and less in the front or I would have definitely had an afro mullet by now -___- Not happening. Seeing as how I "big chopped" twice, I would definitely say my goals were readjusted from growing length first, to shaping my hair first. I'm really looking forward to this summer coming and the length I can retain, since last year I dealt with a setback and basically had no summer retention, plus needed to trim a good 1/2 inch of split ends. This year I'm really on my game so nothing of the sort will be happening under my watch. I'm definitely looking forward to those 2 inches I should gain from now until September.
I've gauged that my hair doesn't grow that fast, and I think it definitely misses Hairfinity. I can't lie, I feel like my hair was growing like weeds when I used to take these vitamins religiously back in 2010... My birthday is coming up, I think I'm about to make myself an order...
I've been fully natural for the past 2 years now, so I have more than enough mistakes and set backs to have taught me a thing or two so I can now avoid those issues. I know certain things are unavoidable (Yeah, I mean You SSK's! #ikillyou! You too split ends!) but I'm so happy I've learned different techniques and theories to keep these issues at bay. Aside from any setbacks, I'm also really happy just to have learned my hair, what it likes and needs, the fact that I have like 7 different textures and all of my beautiful hair is in a mohawked section on my head, and my sides and edges will be the death of me. The fact that my hair doesn't seem to grow the average 1/2 inch a month but instead a little slower. Understanding is a beautiful thing.

Looking back at the different goals I've set and readjusted on this blog over time, I wasn't doing too bad with staying on track until my setback last summer. With a quick goal readjustment, I'm hoping to claim full shoulder length by the end of the summer, Collarbone length even, and full arm pit length by Valentine's Day 2013. By this point, hopefully most of my layers will be grown out, so all of my hair can reach these lengths, not just a tail in the back. My hair is really fine, so it also adds to the reason why I don't want too many layers, I want my hair to look as full as possible. My goal is actually to achieve all one length (with probably just like an inch of layering from the bottom for shape), full, hip length hair that is full all the way down to the ends. It might sound crazy, but since I'll be wearing my hair curly 97% of the time, it'll probably still be shrinking up to shoulder length in Wash n Gos if I let it... Plus with my short torso, hip length is jsut about 20-22 inches of hair on me... 6 down, 16 more inches to go! lol

And lastly, I will say I'm uber excited to see my ponytail, as with relaxed hair I never had a ponytail even half as full as it is now (sad. I know). The even better thing  about that is, my hair still has a lot of growing to do so my ponytail will be even fuller soon! =D

I can't wait to see what my hair will look like straightened come September!!! Who out there is Growing with me?! 

Momma SP's Natural Hair

My mom came over yesterday for a little moment to chill and I was surpised to see her with her hair in it's natural state. I always thought my mom had some of the most beautiful hair, so of course I got her to go natural too. The last time she had seen her hair all natural she had to be in her early teens... 30 sum' years later, I helped her transition for a year by weaving her hair up, having to chop a little earlier than she inteded because of a matting incident (Lady didn't listen to me, washed her hair, didn't condition or detangle or anything and just threw a hat on. -_- NO.) My mother works a lot and ponytails are easy for her, so since the matting only occured in the back, all of the relaxed ends were cut from the back, but she still has a few relaxed ends at the top/front to be able to pull her hair back into a ponytail.

She came over with a ponytail, that I switched out for a banana clip, picked her curls out, and proceeded to resmooth her curls with a little Eco Styler Olive Oil gel to prolong her style.

Before:

After:
I really love her beautiful, full curly wavy hair, and I can't wait to chop those stringy ends off. My mom has very strong, healthy, full hair and I'm soooooo jealous, but also so proud of her for letting go of the relaxer... it was about damn time. She is in her second year of being natural and nearing APL soon, the longest her has been since she was a teenager... She's always had a full head of shoulder length hair, but I think that's saying something about the creamy crack! lol

 Love you momma... And all that hair!!!

When you started your natural hair journey, who did you take with you?!

Sunday Question: The Hair Tool You Can't Live Without

Earlier this week at work, I walked into the bathroom to find a co-worker at the sink fussing over her hair. She randomly started telling me that she cannot live without her blowdryer, and she hoped that someone in the office had a spare one so she could salvage a bad hair day. I couldn't help but think about what hair tool I couldn't be without: bobby pins. I lose them so easily and find them in the strangest places, but I always try to have a few on me. In some cases it can make or break a style or I can quickly conjure up a new one whenever there's a bit of a hair mishap.

So tell us, is it your ponytail holder? Your denman brush or wide tooth comb? What's the hair tool you can't live without?

Have a Sunday question? Send us an email at yais.nyc@gmail.com!